A Pop Culture Idiot Savant - March 2005

A few weeks ago, I was playing Trivial Pursuit's Pop Culture edition with some girlfriends. My teammate and I ended up kicking booty. I should have been proud, but instead I became embarrassed about how what a font of useless knowledge I'd become, especially when it came to music and TV. My partner was also mortified by how much she trivia knew, too, but at least she knew about arty movies and news events. I answered the questions like, “What was the name of the fraternity in “Animal House”?

Why can I remember the name of Milli Vanilli's first album, and the clown that was mauled on 'Mary Tyler Moore', but I can’t remember where I put my car keys?

I admit I watched a lot of TV when I was young. I was a fat kid, so watching TV was far less humiliating (but also less healthy!) than making an idiot out of myself playing sports. When I was a teenager, I stayed up late watching all those old shows because that was what I did to rebel. It was my way of saying, “Ha! You’re not the boss of me! I’m going to watch cheesy “Love American Style” reruns until I pass out!”

And I know so much about pop music because I had a lot of jobs in the 80s and 90s that required hours of driving and therefore listening to the radio. I heard enough DJs say things like “Be the 12th caller to tell me Michael Jackson’s middle name, and you win tickets to the Huey Lewis and the News concert.” But when I knew the answer, it was the days before cell phones and I usually couldn’t get to a pay phone on time. (Pay phones? Remember those?)

The knowledge gets reiterated because of Nick at Nite and TV Land. And these days, we're inundated with nostalgia shows. Every sitcom has had at least one reunion show. I didn't see one episode of ' ALF ' when it ran in the '80s, yet I’m sure I watched their reunion show. And I am dumber for having done so.

And we can't get enough of VH1's "I Love The ('70s, '80s, '90s)” series because those shows have sequels, and they seem to keep stand-up comedians off the street. If we ever come up with a name for this decade, VH1 will be on it before you can say “Y2K”!

So that explains why I know so much useless garbage. But why do I remember it all so easily? Maybe everyone has to be good at something. I stink at sports, so maybe this is just my “thing”. To paraphrase The Police, maybe it’s just my destiny to be the Queen of Inane.