Winning by a Nose
January 2006 In And Around Town - Delta

Over the holidays, my aunt asked me when I'm going to get my nose fixed. To that, I quoted comedian David Brenner: "I don't have a big nose, I have a small face.” Right after that, she dropped the subject and asked me when I was going to have more kids, but that’s another story.

My long, crooked nose really bothered me when I was in junior high when kids, especially boys, teased me about it. I begged my mom for a nose job. I told her I’d work nights and weekends to help pay for it. I was convinced I’d never have a boyfriend until I got my nose fixed. She said I was too young, but maybe when I was 21 and done growing, we could revisit the issue. By my junior year in high school, I had developed enough of a sense of humor that kids overlooked it. And by the time I was 21, I had much better things to spend my money on, like beer. And through the years, I’ve a good career, plenty of friends and even boyfriends. I even dated some hotties! (Note to my husband: Yes, dear, that includes you.)

Yep, I’ve managed pretty well with my schnozzola. Every now and then, I still cringe when I see myself in profile. But I can think of much better things to do with my time and money than put it into my nose, so to speak. Also, in order to get one’s nose “fixed”, one actually has pay thousands of dollars to get their nose broken!

I have friends and relatives who have gotten their noses done and they say that it changed their lives by boosting their self-esteem and confidence to get what they wanted in life, whether it was a better job or more active social life. To that I say, great.

But whenever I consider getting my nose fixed, I think about Jennifer Grey. You might remember her. She did the vertical and horizontal mambo with Patrick Swayze in the smash hit 'Dirty Dancing', that can pretty much be seen 24/7 on basic cable. After that movie, she was barely heard from again. Why? Because she had her nose done, Maybe she felt if she didn’t, she would be limited to Barbra Streisand-type roles, because we all know how horribly wrong Babs's career went, what with the Grammy, Oscars, Emmys and a Tony, and directing and producing credits. So Grey got her beak sculpted, and no one recognized her.

Fortunately, I’m not in a profession where looks really matter. If I was, you might read this article and exclaim, “Eek! It’s an article by the Wicked Witch of the West! Run for the hills! Grab your torches!”

And my nose has helped me develop a sense of humor, which can also help get you what you want in life.