No One Is A Perfect Parent
September 2007 In and Around Town - Delta

This summer, there were two well-publicized tragedies in the Bay Area involving children. One was a 4-year-old boy who drowned at Great America. The other was a 19-month-old who was accidentally left in his father’s car for 6-7 hours.

Both these incidents made me think, “How did this happen? Where were the parents?  How could a child drown in a crowded pool? How could a father ‘forget’ about his own son?” And these kinds of incidents seem to happen all the time.

Yes, it’s very easy to become Judgey Von Holier-Than-Thou when your children are still with you. Soon after these tragedies, my husband, our 4 1/2-year-old daughter and I decided to take in one of the Starry Nights concerts at City Park. Our daughter spotted some of her friends at the playground and really wanted to go play with them. But we wanted to see the concert. As a compromise, we settled our chairs in a spot where we could easily watch our daughter.

During the concert, I continually looked back at the playground, and once in a while, walked over to see how things were going. My husband said, “Stop being such a worrywart. I can see her just fine.”

So I relaxed and enjoyed the concert, with my husband keeping an eagle-eye on our daughter. Toward the end of the concert, he went back to the playground to tell her we were leaving in a few minutes. After a few minutes, when the concert officially ended, I went back to get her. She wasn’t there. I asked the parents of one of the children she was playing with where she went. “She went to look for you,” they said.

Panicked, I told my husband what happened. One of us combed the crowd for her, while the other stayed by our chairs, in case she didn’t see us in the crowd the first time she went past our chairs.

Long story short: As the band was packing up, we had them announce her name, and one of the moms she knew from the gym found her and brought her over to the bandstand. We were VERY lucky! Lucky that our daughter knows her full name, our names (not just Mommy and Daddy), and lucky that we live in such a wonderful, caring community.

I’ve always prided myself in being a diligent parent, and my husband is no slouch either. But could I have forgiven my husband for losing sight of our daughter in a brief moment? Could I have forgiven myself for not giving her clearer instructions on what to do when the concert ended, and if she got lost?

Now when I read one of these tragic stories, I no longer judge the parents. In many cases, tragedy could happen to any one of us, no matter how much we love our children, no matter how diligent and educated we think we are, and despite every precaution we take.