Doing the 80s Right
November 2005 In And Around Town - Delta

Attention local high school and junior high school students: A lot of you have mentioned school dances or parties with 80s themes. I've also heard you mention in the same breath platform shoes, puka-shell necklaces and bell bottoms.

NO NO NO!

As someone who lived through high school and college in that era, here's a handy-dandy guide for dressing '80s, like, totally to the max.

HAIR
Think big and highly flammable. For girls, hair is crimped, moussed, gelled and teased up. Guys can create a psuedo mullet by slicking the sides of their hair and pulling bangs forward (a la Flock of Seagulls). Note to teen boys: Guys in the '80s spent an inordinate amount of time on their hair because they didn't have Xboxes.

MAKEUP
Wear thick eyeliner (any color), gobs of mascara, multicolor eye shadow, and glossy pink lip color. Makeup is a little more subtle for girls.

CLOTHES
For girls, again, Big Big Big. Wear long shirts or sweaters (that hit at least mid-thigh) over leggings or peg-legged jeans. You can belt the shirt with a thick belt. Blouses and sweaters had giant shoulder pads that could double as boogie boards. You can also take an oversized sweatshirt that’s on its way to a garage sale cut out the collar and the bottom, and wear it bearing one shoulder a la Flashdance.

If you can’t find peg-legged jeans, tape or baste the bottom of your jeans so they are snug around your ankles. It doesn’t matter how neatly you do it; you’ll be wearing socks or legwarmers over them (see below). Shoes can be high heeled, closed-toe shoes, or sneakers with legwarmers or scrunched-down socks, worn OVER your pants. Legwarmers for non-dancers served no purpose other than making you look like you had 'cankles'.

For guys, the “ Miami Vice” look is pretty easy to pull off. Wear a white or suit or a pastel shade suit with a darker-shade fruit-colored t-shirt. You can also wear a dark suit with a white button-down shirt. Keep the top button opened, collar out and wear a skinny leather tie; or button your shirt all the way up and wear no tie at all. Finish off with topsiders, loafers or other shoes worn without socks. Your feet will stink at the end of the evening, but you’ll look mahvellous!

Another fun and easy look to pull off is the ‘80s era stand up comic -- dark suit jacket, white T-shirt, jeans, preferably stonewashed, sneakers and a fedora, and stand in front of a brick wall.

JEWELRY
Again, big and chunky for the gals! Chunky necklaces, chunky bracelets, or a lot of those rubber ones, and earrings the size of hubcaps. And the more earrings you have in your ears, the better.

Save the puka-shell necklaces for your 70s parties, as this is what caused the ultimate economic fallout in 1989.